Drabbles
by ScaryBones
Summary: Colection of South Park Drabbles. Many pairings. Rated K-M
1. Chapter 1

South Park Drabbles, Blah. :D

Just random scenes/ideas that come into my head that either won't work as a story, or I'm just too lazy to come up with an actual plot.

Will vary in ratings. I'll warn if it's a T or higher...and before graphic stuff...

x~`O`~x

1. Jackass

T for language and stupid stunts

.

"I'm Kenny McKormic and welcome to Jackass!" The blonde smiled maniacally into his camera. "I'm gonna jump from this ledge-" He zoomed the view out to show his position on top of the town's post office "-to _that_ ledge." He turned the camera around and got a shot of the rooftop of the next building over. Two other teenagers stood on the roof, one clad in black, and the other in green, smoking.

"You're going to get yourself keeled," Christophe muttered.

"Hurry up and jump, moron!" Damien was getting impatient.

"Alright, alright. Here goes..." Kenny set the camera on its tripod, which was placed so the whole jump would be visible when they watched it later. The orange-clad teen cleared his throat and quickly did the sign of the cross across his chest before letting out a battle cry and sprinting to the edge of the roof. "Agh!"

"Holy shi-"

The antichrist stopped mid-word as the flying blonde smacked into the side of the building and plummeted to the ground, screaming.

"Damnit, Ken, you missed."

x

"I'm not doing zis."

"You'll be fine, you big baby. Did you see how far Blondie fell? This is like stepping down from a piece of cardboard."

"What's the hold up?" Kenny yelled from the ground. He held the camera so it was pointed up at the two boys, standing on the McKormic's roof. "Hurry up and jump, dude. It's easy."

Christophe glanced down at the truck that was several feet below him. He took a deep breath. He'd fallen from higher places.

"Do the introduction," Damien said from his side.

The Frenchman rolled his eyes and shuffled onto the edge. "Je suis ze Mole, and Damien's gay."

He closed his eyes and stepped off the roof. He cursed as he landed, not on the truck as planned, but onto a pile of rock-hard ice. "Merde."

"I got it! I got it!" Kenny cried.

x

"Hmm. Now that I'm up here...this actually seems like a really bad idea." Damien shifted on the bike. "It's a lot bigger than I expec-"

"That's what she said." Kenny grinned and Damien closed his mouth.

"Alright, let's do this." Damien neared the stairs nervously. They were steeper than he remembered. Christophe laughed and waved from the bottom. "I'm the antichrist and I'm here to fuck shit up!" He rode the bike off the first step and knew right then that he was screwed.

x

"Well...that was...interesting," Kyle commented, taking the tape out of the VCR.

"My favorite part was how none of the stunts were successful." Stan grinned.

Gregory shook his head. "The best part was the five minutes of curses from Tophe."

"Poor Damien." Pip glanced over at the onyx-haired teen, who was still knocked unconscious.

Kenny smiled slyly. "So, who's up for round two?"

**x~`O`~x**

**2. Perv**

"Craig."

"McKormick."

"Do my shoes match my eyes?"

The stoic teen glanced down at the blonde's ratty shoes, then back up to his eyes. Kenny recoiled, hiding his body.

"Dude, don't check me out."

"Motherfu-"

**x~`O`~x**

**3. Ke$ha**

"Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone," Damien purred, gripping onto Gregory. "While you're here in my arms, let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young."

"No, thanks, I prefer men with a better taste in music."

**x~`O`~x**

**4. Tacoman**

"What is _that_?"

"_That_ is Tacoman. He has the power to sing mariachi in an alarmingly delicious way."

Craig sighs, shaking his head at his brunette friend. "Clyde."

"Yes?"

"You make me wish I had more middle fingers."

**x~`O`~x**

5. Scary Movies

The lightning shook the house. Pip jumped and his eyes went wide with fear. "H-hello?" He should have never messed with that Ouija board. Butters had warned him something like this would happen. "_You might open a doorway for an unwanted spirit_."

He heard a crash from downstairs and gulped. He had to go investigate- that's everyone did in the movies, wasn't it? Why break tradition?

He descended the steps. "Hello...?"

"Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

"I hate you, Damien."

**x~`O`~x**

6. Mr. Kitty

**Rated M for sexual themes.**

Stan grunted as he was thrown to the bed. "Jesus Christ!"

"You like it rough, hippie?"

The raven moaned. "Y-yes."

The larger boy smirked and sat back before running his hands up Stan's legs. The more athletic of the two shuddered and closed his eyes.

"Mmm, Cartman, hurry up. I need it."

The brunette chuckled arrogantly. "You need my hot body?"

If Stan's eyes were opened, Cartman would have seen them roll in annoyance. "Uh, sure."

"Very well, then."

Stan sighed and let himself moan quietly. There was a sudden pressure on his chest and he felt Cartman's breath on his lips.

_Meow._

"What the hell?"

He opened his eyes and was met with the sight of fur and whiskers. He yelped and Cartman's laughter filled the room. "Ha! You should've seen you face, Stan! That was priceless!"

Stan sat up, tossing the cat off his chest. "That wasn't funny, asshole! I thought you said your cat was downstairs."

"He was! I don't know how he got in here!" Cartman laughed again. "Come on, you got to admit that was hilarious. You looked so scared!"

Stan grumbled and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. "You're such a jerk."

"Come on, don't be like that. I'll take him back downstairs. Come on, Mr. Kitty." The two left the room and Cartman came up alone a few minutes later. "Alright, he's in his pen." He flopped down next to the charcoal-haired teen. "Now, where were we?"

"I don't think so."

**~`O`~**

7. Dirty Mind

"I don't know, Kenny," Butters muttered. "It'll be my first time."

"Come on, Butter-cup, it'll be fun. You'll scream and shake the whole time. It'll be so good you'll want to do it again"

"What if I get in trouble for skipping school?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll hold you up against me the whole time."

"I'm still not sure..."

"Come on, Butters, the roller coaster isn't that scary."

**~`O`~**

8. Britney Spears

"Knock knock."

"Clyde, I'm not in the mood."

"Knock knock."

Craig sighed. "Who's there?"

"Britney Spears."

"Britney Spears who?"

"Knock knock."

"...Who's there?"

"Oops, I did it again!"

**~`O`~**


	2. Chapter 2

**9. Perfect **

**Inspired by the song by Simple Plan :) **

"Dad."

"Son."

"Look at me. Do you think I grew up 'according to plan'?"

Mr. Tucker grunted in response.

"I know I'm not the picture perfect child you wanted."

"Nothing lasts forever." The older man turned and started walking away, a scowl on his face.

"I'm sorry I can't be perfect."

**~`O`~**

**10. Prison Bitch**

**Inspired by the song...yes, there is a song about it. :D**

**M for sexual themes, language**

"You know how much I paid for you?" Damien purred from his place on the concrete block. "A candy bar and a pack of cigarettes. Isn't that great?"

Christophe sighed, banging his head back against the grey brick wall. "Yeah. Eet's real great, beetch."

"You're the bitch here, Mole." The antichrist grinned. "I knew I'd get you in the end. Get it?"

"You're _so_ funny." Christophe let himself smirk. "Now I know why they called you a hardened criminal." Damien laughed and pulled the Frenchman up onto the concrete bed.

"You're not like all the others...Too bad they had to die."

**~`O`~**

**11. The Bad Touch**

**Also based on the song... **

"Whatcha doing, Stan?"

"Watching a lioness give birth."

"How arousing."

"Yep."

Kenny pursed his lips. "So..."

"So...?"

"You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

**~`O`~**

**12. Dance **

"You're joining Dance?" Kyle wrinkled his nose at his blonde friend.

"Why not?" Kenny shrugged.

"Isn't that a little..." Stan faltered.

"A little what?"

"Gay?"

"Ah. So we're back to this again, are we?"

"Kenny, I'm just-"

"No, no, I get it. You've been brainwashed by the jocks and society."

"What are you-"

"Let me explain my reasoning for taking this wonderful opportunity." Kenny cleared his throat and huddles with his two best best friends. "Look at Butters over there."

They did.

"_He's_ in Dance."

"So?" Kyle frowned.

"So? Dude, check out where he's sitting! At the _girls_' table, for Pete's sake!" Kenny continued. "Those chicks adore him. You know why?"

"They think he's gay and girls like gay guys?"

"Shut up, Stan." Kenny sighed. "Because he has a _bond_ with him. They think he's cool because he's not afraid of what people think of him. Chicks dig apathy. Why do you think they follow Craig around so much?"

"Because he's gay and chicks like gay guys."

"Damn it, Stan, I thought I said to shut your face!" Kenny ran a hand across his eyes. "The girls like Butters because he's not afraid to drop his manly front."

"Butters has a manly front?"

"Kyle, I will murder your whole family." Kenny was close to getting up and walking away. "Do you see the point I'm trying to make here?"

They shook their heads.

"Alright, watch closely." Kenny tugged on Bebe's sleeve as she walked by. "Hey. I'm thinking of joining the Dance team, but I'm nervous about the try-outs."

"Kenny! You are?" Bebe bounced in excitement, almost dropping her lunch tray. "Oh my gosh, if you need help, I can totally set aside a time to help you _practice_." She was practically purring.

"Thanks! I'd like that very much!" Kenny winked and she walked away giggling. "See what I mean, boys? Chicks practically _live_ for that kind of stuff."

Stan and Kyle glanced at each other, telepathically communicating as super best friends do. "Where's the sign-up sheet?"

**~`O`~**

**13. Romance **

"Zere's a bridge een Paris where couples hang locks with zeir names written on zem, zen throw away ze keys. The locks can never be removed."

Gregory smiled and held a hand to his chest. "Is that why you're taking me there?"

"Oui." Christophe grinned and chuckled darkly as he packed the bolt-cutters.

**~`O`~**

**14. Homosexual**

Stan slammed the door open, dropping his backpack where he stood. "Dad, some kid called me gay today!"

Randy stood up from his spot on the couch. "What?! Who? Don't tell your mother, but I'm giving you permission to kick his ass. Go on and do it now."

Stan blushed. "I can't, he's too cute."

**~`O`~**

**15. The Accident**

Kenny lay sprawled across the floor of Cartman's bedroom. "Did you know...you could answer almost anything with 'not since the accident'?"

Cartman and Stan went into deep thought. Cartman frowned. "Actually, you can't."

Stan grinned. "Not since the accident."

**~`O`~**


End file.
